Must_Not_Throw_Laptop_at_Strangers
I pretty much like everyone. I’m just one of those “Can’t We All Just Get Along” people. Ask my high school friends—it really used to piss them off that I couldn’t just badmouth a few folks every once in a while. I’ve gotten a bit better (or worse), but I still rarely dislike people, especially strangers. You’ve got to do a lot to annoy me, even more to anger me.
There is, however, a certain type of person who, with just the briefest of contacts, makes me want to stomp my feet and punch the air with frustration: he who has an answer for everything, one that is completely impervious to any sort of rational dispute. No one could teach him anything, he’s so sure he already knows it. He raises arrogantly talking out of one’s ass to an art form, and he does it with an astonishing lack of self-awareness. I say “he” because the ones I meet are usually men, also usually white. Perhaps I just haven’t come across a specimen who wasn’t a Caucasian male, or perhaps it bothers me less coming from anyone else, or perhaps this is just one more sad example of the confirmation bias.
At any rate, two of them are in the process of ruining my evening. They are, apparently, experts in each of the following topics: child-rearing, mental health, the economy, and EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DISCUSS. They base their persuasiveness on the fervor of their opinions, rather than anything minor like, oh, say, LOGIC or EVIDENCE. They just started chatting, and in an hour they’ve driven everyone but me out of the crowded café and still have things to talk about. I wish they’d give up pretending to be straight and just start making out so they’ll at least SHUT UP. So much for trying to get some work done (oh yes, did I mention they give no thought to the fact that they might be annoying the pants off of the girl at the next table, preventing her from getting any work done by talking so loudly and demonstrating such a lack of rational thought that she wants to jump out of her seat and beat them over the head with a big bag of REASON).
(Deep breath)
Ahem. I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned from them as I’ve eavesdropped:
Putting a fussy baby in a quiet, dark room until she stops crying is like locking an elderly person asking for a glass of water in a quiet, dark room until he stops talking.
People should just accept sadness and not lazily resort to medications. Nor should children suffering from ADHD (those lazy kids!).
The US economy is in bad shape because, unlike in European countries, kids don’t move back home after school and stay until they get married.
Children were better off when their parents used corporal punishment, because then the kids didn’t mistake their parents for their buddies.
Northerners are responsible for the urban sprawl in the South because of their demand for urban amenities in the suburbs.
Do I need to tell you how much self-restraint it took me not to jump up and tell them about the deep, dark hole depression carves in your life; that babies sometimes just get themselves overstimulated; that, even though it’s fashionable to bash Ritalin, it seems to work miracles with certain children; that those European youngsters who stay at home so long tend, from my experience, to take a lot longer to achieve emotional maturity and self-reliance; and that hitting kids isn’t the only way out there to establish clear parental-child roles, and oh jeez I’ve worn myself out and lost control of the punctuation?!
I can’t tell you how satisfying it is for me to tell you about them. Am I being passive-aggressive? Probably, but it is so satisfying. I still might get up and smack them around with my soft little hands and my hard, cold logic. In the meantime, I’ll just smirk.
There is, however, a certain type of person who, with just the briefest of contacts, makes me want to stomp my feet and punch the air with frustration: he who has an answer for everything, one that is completely impervious to any sort of rational dispute. No one could teach him anything, he’s so sure he already knows it. He raises arrogantly talking out of one’s ass to an art form, and he does it with an astonishing lack of self-awareness. I say “he” because the ones I meet are usually men, also usually white. Perhaps I just haven’t come across a specimen who wasn’t a Caucasian male, or perhaps it bothers me less coming from anyone else, or perhaps this is just one more sad example of the confirmation bias.
At any rate, two of them are in the process of ruining my evening. They are, apparently, experts in each of the following topics: child-rearing, mental health, the economy, and EVERY SINGLE THING THEY DISCUSS. They base their persuasiveness on the fervor of their opinions, rather than anything minor like, oh, say, LOGIC or EVIDENCE. They just started chatting, and in an hour they’ve driven everyone but me out of the crowded café and still have things to talk about. I wish they’d give up pretending to be straight and just start making out so they’ll at least SHUT UP. So much for trying to get some work done (oh yes, did I mention they give no thought to the fact that they might be annoying the pants off of the girl at the next table, preventing her from getting any work done by talking so loudly and demonstrating such a lack of rational thought that she wants to jump out of her seat and beat them over the head with a big bag of REASON).
(Deep breath)
Ahem. I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned from them as I’ve eavesdropped:
Putting a fussy baby in a quiet, dark room until she stops crying is like locking an elderly person asking for a glass of water in a quiet, dark room until he stops talking.
People should just accept sadness and not lazily resort to medications. Nor should children suffering from ADHD (those lazy kids!).
The US economy is in bad shape because, unlike in European countries, kids don’t move back home after school and stay until they get married.
Children were better off when their parents used corporal punishment, because then the kids didn’t mistake their parents for their buddies.
Northerners are responsible for the urban sprawl in the South because of their demand for urban amenities in the suburbs.
Do I need to tell you how much self-restraint it took me not to jump up and tell them about the deep, dark hole depression carves in your life; that babies sometimes just get themselves overstimulated; that, even though it’s fashionable to bash Ritalin, it seems to work miracles with certain children; that those European youngsters who stay at home so long tend, from my experience, to take a lot longer to achieve emotional maturity and self-reliance; and that hitting kids isn’t the only way out there to establish clear parental-child roles, and oh jeez I’ve worn myself out and lost control of the punctuation?!
I can’t tell you how satisfying it is for me to tell you about them. Am I being passive-aggressive? Probably, but it is so satisfying. I still might get up and smack them around with my soft little hands and my hard, cold logic. In the meantime, I’ll just smirk.
posted by Nev at
3:47 PM
3 Comments:
You know, I always wondered if the people writing in cafes were just transcribing all the conversations around them. And now my suspicions are confirmed.
Next time I'm at the bakery, if I'm feeling charitable, I'll try to have a really strange conversation to give them some good material.
you're just two more weeks of lattes away from understanding why it is best to have an uninformed opinion.
You already see in the depression psychological side of it the incredible complexities of the issue.
For example, as far as the US economy- youngsters stay at home longer because in many places, the interest on a mortgage is not deductible.
so, the net effect appears to be either a history of incredible growth made possible by complex and efficient markets, or a morass of overextended homeowners and a country that is sitting around hoping to sneak out before the waiter brings the check.
I could propbably do the same for any other subject, but the more facts you provide, the greater chance getting them wrong.
Besides, if you have to weigh the relative merits of every aspect of every issue, you are a flip-flopper and possible evildoer.
I knew, just knew one day you would blog something else since the recipe thing (which, by the way, I was sorely disappointed did not continue). Wish I hadn't taken so long to check back with your blog. I love to read your writing. You are so clever. Please keep me entertained on a regular basis.
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